Can self-care be selfish?
Taking care of yourself isn’t about vanity or self-absorption. It’s about preserving your well-being so you can give your best to the people and things that matter most. Here’s what self-care is and why it matters.
In a world that constantly demands our time, energy and attention, it’s easy to put ourselves last. Between juggling work, family, social commitments and the pressures of modern life, self-care can feel like an unattainable goal.
But here’s the truth: self-care isn’t a luxury, and it’s certainly not selfish. It’s essential.
At Phoenix Crown, we believe in embracing the highest, truest expression of yourself. Confidence isn’t chasing perfection or other people’s beauty standards - it’s about feeling comfortable and proud - inside and out. Whether it’s a radiant skincare ritual, quality time with friends, learning a new skill or the confidence boost of gorgeous, voluminous hair, self-care is whatever makes you feel like the best version of you.
What is self-care and why is it important?
So, what is meant by self-care?
Self-care is a broad concept. But at its core, it’s about intentional actions that support your physical, emotional and mental well-being. Think of it like the difference between running on empty and thriving. With regular self-care, you create a foundation of resilience that helps you navigate life’s ups and downs.
In practical terms, this could mean nourishing your body with good food, moving in ways that make you feel strong (like yoga, running or swimming) or spending time on your physical appearance, experimenting with that new hairstyle, putting bold outfits together or a luxurious massage. It’s completely up to you, and what makes you feel good.
The benefits of self-care: a quick look at the science
Self-care isn’t just a feel-good philosophy - it’s a scientifically supported strategy for enhancing mental and physical well-being. Research across multiple disciplines confirms that self-care practices create measurable improvements in health.
Just some benefits include:
Stress reduction and mindfulness
Mindfulness and relaxation techniques can lower cortisol (the body’s primary stress hormone) and reduce anxiety. For example, studies on mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) demonstrate that regular meditation can recalibrate neural pathways, improving emotional regulation. Stress reduction not only supports emotional health, but also contributes to healthier skin and hair by reducing inflammation and improving circulation.
The power of regular exercise
Physical activity triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural “feel-good” chemicals, which lift mood and foster a sense of well-being. Regular exercise is linked to a decreased risk of chronic illnesses such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes and hypertension. Indeed, research shows that regular moderate exercise (like brisk walking, cycling or swimming) significantly improves cardiovascular health, stress responses and longevity.
The critical role of sleep
Quality sleep is essential for cognitive function, mood regulation and immune support. Studies show that consistently getting 7–9 hours of sleep enhances memory consolidation, improves emotional stability and reduces the risk of metabolic disorders (like diabetes). A well-rested body is better equipped to handle stress, recover from challenges and maintain balanced hormonal levels.
Nutritional balance for optimal health
A balanced diet rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants is fundamental for brain function and overall energy. Nutrients such as vitamins A, C, D and E (as well as essential minerals like zinc and magnesium) play key roles in maintaining healthy skin, hair and nails. They also support immune function and cognitive processes. On the other hand, nutritional deficiencies are linked to a range of issues, from mood instability to dull skin and brittle hair.
In short, self-care isn’t just about feeling good in the moment, it’s about setting yourself up for long-term health and happiness.
What’s the golden rule of self-care?
The golden rule of self-care is simple: treat yourself with the same kindness and consideration you give to others.
As women, we often feel pressure to meet the needs of those around us before our own. Whether caring for children, managing a household or excelling at work, there’s pressure to keep going, no matter the personal cost. But constantly giving without refilling your cup leads to burnout, stress and exhaustion.
Self-care isn’t about being selfish. It’s about balance. By prioritising your own well-being (especially during life changes like postpartum or menopause), you ensure you have the energy and mental clarity to give back to others in a meaningful way. And remember, self-care looks different for everyone. For some, it’s a quiet moment with a book. For others, it’s a high-energy workout. The key is finding what restores you.
What’s the self-care paradox?
The self-care paradox is the idea that while we all know self-care is important, many of us struggle prioritising it.
On one hand, we’re told to practice self-care. But we’re also bombarded with the idea that being busy, overworked and self-sacrificing is a badge of honour. The paradox is while we crave rest and restoration, we often feel guilty taking it.
True self-care isn’t just the occasional bubble bath (although this can sometimes work wonders!). It’s about sustainable habits that prioritise your long-term well-being. This might mean setting boundaries at work, learning to say no, or carving out time for a hobby that makes you feel alive. The key is recognising that self-care isn’t a reward - it’s a necessity.
What is false self-care?
So, with an understanding of what self-care is, let’s briefly chat about what it’s not. Sometimes, we try activities that promise a boost, only to feel more drained or out of sync. This is what’s known as “false self-care.” It’s not about labelling something as good or bad in itself, it’s about tuning in to what helps you recharge.
For example, you might find that:
- Social media scrolling: While it can offer a quick distraction, it might leave you feeling overwhelmed or a bit low
- Impulsive retail therapy: That quick shopping fix may seem like a pick-me-up, but if it stresses your wallet, it’s probably not the replenishing break you need
- Following trends that aren’t “you”: Jumping on the latest beauty or wellness bandwagon might feel exciting, yet if it doesn’t resonate with who you are, it may not leave you feeling refreshed
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Saying “yes” when you want to say “no”: Overcommitting can make you feel obligated rather than cared for, leading to burnout instead of relaxation
Notice how you feel before and after an activity. If something leaves you more tired or stressed, it might be a sign to switch gears. Self-care is a personal journey, and what fills you up is unique to you. So, if an activity doesn’t leave you feeling recharged, it might be time to try something else.
Can self-care be selfish?
Following on from the idea of “false self-care”, you might have questions like “is self-care vain” or “is self-care narcissistic”? After all, you’re putting yourself and your care front and centre!
It’s a common concern. But when self-care is practised mindfully, it isn’t about putting yourself above others, it’s about ensuring you have the energy and well-being to show up fully for yourself and those around you.
Many worry that prioritising self-care might seem indulgent. But in reality, caring for yourself is essential. Think of it like the aeroplane oxygen mask rule: you need to secure your own mask before helping others. When you make time to recharge, you’re less likely to feel burned out, resentful or overwhelmed. As a result, you’re better equipped to be present and supportive in your relationships.
What does poor self-care look like?
The potential knock-on effects of poor self-care can ripple into every area of your life, impacting both your physical health and emotional state. While this will be different for everyone, a lack of self-care may look like:
- Chronic stress and anxiety: Without proper self-care, stress can become a constant companion. Over time, chronic stress may lead to anxiety, headaches, high blood pressure and even issues like telogen effluvium (stress-related hair loss)
- Emotional drain: When you ignore your needs, you might notice a decline in your mood and energy. Feeling persistently tired, experiencing low self-worth or unexpected emotional outbursts can signal you’re not getting enough restorative downtime
- Reduced motivation and productivity: Ever notice how even simple tasks start to feel overwhelming when you’re drained? Neglecting self-care can sap your motivation, making everyday responsibilities feel like monumental challenges
- Mental fog: A consistent lack of quality sleep, combined with poor nutrition and stress, can cloud your thinking. This “mental fog” can make decision-making tougher and reduce cognitive sharpness, impacting work and personal life
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Social withdrawal: When you’re overstressed and exhausted, it’s easy to pull back from social interactions. This withdrawal can create a cycle where isolation deepens feelings of loneliness or depression, further diminishing your overall sense of well-being
If you’re concerned about a lack of self-care, listen to your body. One of the most important aspects of self-care is self-awareness. So notice how you feel before and after your daily routines. Then, think about what you can change! Building a personalised plan that fits your lifestyle will help you get back on track.
What is a self-care plan?
So, to wrap up. What could a self-care plan look like for you?
At its heart, a self-care plan is your personal blueprint for maintaining overall well-being. It’s not a rigid schedule but a flexible guide to nurture your physical, emotional and mental health. The goal is feeling recharged and resilient, so you can show up fully for yourself and others.
This might look like:
For the busy professional
- Morning: Wake up 30-minutes earlier than normal. Drink a glass of water, and do a 20-minute stretching and exercise routine. Spend five minutes journaling or practising guided meditation on the commute to work
- Midday: Take a short walk during lunch or practice deep breathing exercises for a few minutes. Enjoy a nutritious, balanced meal that gives you energy for the afternoon
- Evening: Set aside 30-minutes to unwind, perhaps a calming skincare routine or reading a book. Reflect on the day with a heart-felt gratitude practice before bed
For the flexible schedule seeker
- Morning: Begin your day with a nutritious breakfast and a 10-minute mindfulness meditation. Follow with a gentle yoga session or a walk outdoors to appreciate the morning light
- Afternoon: Dedicate time to a creative hobby or a passion project that brings you joy. Connect with a friend or family member over a video call or in person
- Evening: Enjoy a self-care ritual like a warm bath, skincare routine, or quiet time with your favourite music. Wind down with journaling or reading to clear your mind before sleep
The real beauty of a self-care plan is its adaptability. So don’t feel you have to create the “perfect” plan. Instead, focus on small steps that are right for you, right now. Here are a few tips.
- Start small: Introduce one or two practices at a time so they feel manageable
- Be honest: Reflect on what recharges you - what works for someone else might not work for you
- Mix it up: Combine activities that cater to different aspects of your well-being, such as physical, emotional and social needs
- Stay flexible: Let your plan evolve. Life changes, and so do your needs
- Celebrate wins: Recognise the positive impact of even small acts of self-care. Every step counts!
Final thoughts: why self-care matters
In our fast-paced world, where demands on your time, energy and attention are constant, it can be easy to feel guilty about taking time for yourself. Yet, caring for yourself isn’t a selfish act; it’s a form of self-respect. True self-care goes beyond fleeting pleasures, it’s about creating sustainable habits that restore your energy and spirit.
Whether your ideal routine includes a quiet morning of stretching and journaling, a brisk lunchtime walk or winding down in the evening with a hair care routine or a good book, the key is developing a self-care plan that fits your needs. This isn’t about following a strict set of rules. It’s about listening to your mind and body, experimenting with different practices and staying open to change.
At Phoenix Crown, we believe that when you care for yourself, you radiate confidence. Our luxury, pure Virgin human hair extensions are designed to enhance your natural beauty. With barely-there flexi-wefts, you can enjoy seamless, elegant volume that gives you an instant lift. Because you deserve to feel your best - inside and out.
