Understanding the Changes
If you’re going through perimenopause or menopause and feel your emotions are all over the place, you’re not imagining it. Mood swings, anxiety, sadness, flashes of rage or a sudden need to retreat from the world…? It’s real. Here’s what’s behind the changes.
Emotional upheavals during menopause are incredibly common, and they have real hormonal and neurological roots. That doesn’t make them easy, but it does mean they’re understood. And you’re far from alone.
In this guide, we’ll walk through the most common changes associated with menopause and emotions, the reasons behind these shifts - and gentle, empowering ways to care for yourself as you navigate this phase of life.
What are the emotional effects of menopause?
The emotional effects of menopause can be as life-altering as the physical changes, though they often receive less attention. Women describe their reactions as magnified: small things suddenly feel overwhelming, and day-to-day irritations can snowball into moments of real distress. It's not uncommon to feel like you're “losing control” or becoming someone you don't recognise.
Are mood swings a symptom of menopause? Absolutely. But so are anxiety, anger, low mood, and even emotional numbness. They’re all part of the wider picture of menopause and emotional health - physiological reactions to a complex hormonal transition that impacts the brain as much as the body.
So, what’s going on?
Oestrogen, one of the key hormones that fluctuates and eventually declines during menopause, plays a major role in regulating mood-related neurotransmitters, including serotonin (linked to happiness and calm), dopamine (linked to motivation and reward) and oxytocin (the “love hormone”).
As oestrogen drops, this dysregulation can trigger:
- Heightened anxiety, anger or tension
- Unpredictable mood swings
- Increased sensitivity to stress or tearfulness
- Emotional flatness or a loss of interest in things you once enjoyed
- A sense of emotional fragility or “walking on eggshells”
The changes in brain chemistry don't mean every emotional reaction is just hormonal. But they can certainly intensify or destabilise your responses, making everyday challenges harder to manage.
What are the emotional symptoms of perimenopause?
Perimenopause is the period leading up to menopause, lasting anywhere from a couple of years to over a decade. For many women, the emotional effects can feel more intense than menopause itself. One of the most difficult aspects is the inconsistency. You might go several days feeling emotionally stable, only to wake up suddenly anxious, teary or irrationally angry without any clear cause.
These symptoms are caused by fluctuating levels of oestrogen and progesterone, which rise and fall erratically during perimenopause. The result is a kind of neurological turbulence that can leave you emotionally vulnerable.
Some of the most common emotional symptoms include:
- Feeling suddenly overwhelmed or unable to cope with daily tasks. Experiencing heightened self-doubt, anxiety or insecurity
- Difficulty concentrating, issues with memory or focus. What’s commonly referred to as “brain fog”
- Mood dips that mimic depression but come and go quickly. It’s part of a wider picture of menopause and emotional instability
- Extreme anger (sometimes known as “menopausal rage”) accompanied by increased episodes of sadness or tears
- Menopause and emotional detachment. A sharp sense of emotional disconnection, as though you’re on autopilot.
These changes can be confusing especially if you’ve never struggled with mental health before. But once you realise these feelings are part of the broader story of emotions and menopause, it’s easier to respond with self-compassion and understanding.
Does personality change during menopause?
It might feel like it, but menopause doesn’t truly change your personality.
What it can do, however, is alter the emotional filters through which you process the world. For instance, someone openly affectionate and easygoing may find themselves withdrawn or irritable. This isn't a shift in personality so much as a reaction to internal and external changes: hormonal upheaval, sleep deprivation, body image changes and mounting life stressors (like ageing parents, career pressure, or becoming an empty nester).
Neurologically, this links with hormonal influence on the limbic system (which controls emotional processing) and the prefrontal cortex (governing decision-making and social behaviour). When hormone levels are unstable, these brain regions don’t function optimally, which can result in:
- A shorter fuse or lower tolerance for frustration
- Less patience for social obligations or small talk
- A stronger desire for introspection or solitude
- Feeling alienated from your previous roles (mother, professional, caregiver)
But rather than seeing these changes as a negative shift in personality, many women describe them as a recalibration. It’s less about becoming someone new, and more about stripping back what no longer feels authentic. Many women describe this phase as feeling more confident in expressing their thoughts and needs, letting go of people-pleasing tendencies and reconnecting with old passions or parts of their identity.
In this sense, menopause can be a powerful moment of personal evolution!
That said, emotional responses can sometimes feel too intense in ways that aren’t serving us. So let’s quickly explain what’s going on with the main three: anger, sadness and the desire to retreat.
Why do I feel so angry in menopause?
Anger in menopause, or “menopausal rage” is a real and often frightening symptom. Outbursts that feel out of character, a short fuse, or a rising sense of frustration are all signs of menopause and emotional outbursts. You’re not imagining it, and you’re not “losing it.”
There are several reasons for this uptick in anger (often accompanied by feelings of loneliness). One is the reduction of oestrogen, which normally helps regulate cortisol, your body’s primary stress hormone. With less oestrogen, your tolerance for stress drops, making everyday frustrations harder to brush off. Sleep disturbances, also common during menopause, compound the problem by lowering your emotional threshold. Add in the cumulative effect of feeling unseen, under-supported or exhausted, and simmering anger can boil over.
Understanding that this is a chemical and situational reaction - not a moral failure - can be the first step to managing it with compassion.
Why do I cry so much during menopause?
Unexpected tears are one of the most common and least talked-about parts of menopause and emotional health. Whether it’s crying at a film, breaking down over small disappointments, or just waking up tearful for no reason. It’s your nervous system processing change.
Lower oestrogen affects serotonin and other mood-related chemicals, making you more emotionally reactive. But crying is also a form of release. Instead of seeing it as something to fix, try to let the tears come when they need to. They’re helping you regulate.
That said, if crying is constant or moving towards depression, it’s worth speaking to a GP. You deserve to feel supported.
Does menopause make you want to be alone?
Yes, and that’s okay. Many, many women report needing more solitude during menopause. Often not out of sadness, but as a response to overwhelm and simply wanting peace. This can be part of menopause and emotional detachment, but it’s also part of healing.
With so many physical and emotional changes happening, your brain and body might crave quiet. You might withdraw from social events, feel overstimulated more easily, or find yourself more introspective. Alone time can feel like a reset button.
This isn’t failure. It’s wisdom. You’re listening to what you need. Now it’s time to find the balance that works for you.
How long do menopause mood swings last?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. For some women, mood swings are a short-lived phase during perimenopause, lasting a few months to a year. For others, emotional ups and downs can continue for several years, especially if menopause starts early or overlaps with other life stressors.
What matters most isn’t the exact timeline, it’s how supported you feel while it’s happening. Mood swings during menopause don’t always settle on their own, but the good news is there are effective treatments out there. One of the most talked-about is HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). Since many emotional changes stem from hormonal shifts, rebalancing hormones makes a real difference.
HRT works by topping up oestrogen (and sometimes progesterone or testosterone), which helps re-regulate the brain chemicals linked to mood, energy and sleep. Research shows it can:
- Improve sleep, which in turn stabilises emotions
- Ease anxiety and reduce irritability
- Reduce hot flushes and night sweats that can affect rest and confidence
- Give an overall lift in mood and motivation
That said, HRT isn’t for everyone. A menopause specialist or GP can walk you through your options and figure out what’s right for your body.
Other women find CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) a great tool, especially for anxiety and low mood. Small lifestyle tweaks can also have a big impact. Think better sleep, nourishing food, regular movement and cutting down on caffeine or alcohol. Keeping a simple mood journal can also help you spot patterns, so you feel more in control and less caught off guard.
But in short, when it comes to what helps menopause mood swings, the answer is usually a combination of medical support, lifestyle changes and kindness. Lots of kindness.
How can I stay happy during menopause?
As with the rest of our lives, happiness during menopause isn’t about being upbeat all the time. It’s about building a foundation of emotional resilience that helps you weather the tougher days. Acts of self-care like journalling, meditation and reassessing your priorities can all help deal with the rollercoaster of menopause and emotional instability.
Acknowledging you deserve kindness, rest and support is often the first step.
Here are some foundational strategies for controlling menopause mood swings.
- Prioritise joy: It’s easier said than done, but whether it’s a walk in nature, a playlist that lifts your spirits, or investing in something that boosts your confidence (like luxury hair extensions or a skincare routine that makes you feel radiant), prioritise what makes you feel good
- Protect your peace: This means saying no when you need to, setting boundaries around your energy and giving yourself permission to cancel plans. Real rest and real self-respect
- Connect with others: Whether it’s online communities, in-person support groups, or a good laugh with trusted friends, sharing your experiences lightens the emotional load
- Nourish your nervous system: With magnesium-rich foods, omega-3s, hydration and gentle exercise. Short stretches of yoga or deep breathing can work wonders
- Speak kindly to yourself: Replace harsh self-talk with positive affirmations. Instead of "I’m not coping," try: "I’m doing the best I can at this moment."
The good news is most women report feeling much calmer once they reach postmenopause. After all the hormonal turbulence of perimenopause, the body eventually finds a new baseline. Once your hormone levels stabilise (even at lower levels), so too does your emotional landscape.
Menopause and emotional well-being can feel like a tempest. But like all storms, this phase passes. With understanding, support and self-kindness, you will come through it. There is nothing shameful or “not right” about the sadness, the rage or the tears. You are navigating a powerful physiological transition. One that deserves attention, care and respect.
And when you do start to feel steadier, you may find something remarkable waiting on the other side: a deeper version of yourself, less concerned with what others think, more in tune with your own needs and desires. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, you’re still you. Just wiser, deeper and more powerful than ever.
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